1:25 am, early Sunday morning.
It is very late and I can't sleep because I drank too much chai (caffeinated tea) with dinner. I am also trying to shrug off this nagging feeling of guilt that has crept up on me. Guilty of things that I have never felt guilty of before in my entire life: feeling guilty for letting it slip to a member of the delegation that I had just had my first taste of bootleg, Tehran home-brewed bathtub gin, only to be reminded by another Iranian that I should not speak of these things to anyone; guilty for making the "mistake" of giving bisous (polite cheek-kisses) to the 2 men that joined us for dinner and remembering directly after that women are NEVER supposed to instigate physical contact with a member of the opposite sex. These types of "mistakes" are small to me but could have dire consequences upon the Iranians that are hosting us. I forget, I feel careless, I am naive and now, (as I try to sleep in this very warm hotel room with the loud and in-effective air conditioner) I feel guilty!
If I feel this way after 2 days what must it be like to live here and be an Iranian woman with so much responsibility to act just right? I can only begin to imagine...